This month’s blog carnival leads up to the August 5th Red Umbrella Diaries live event at Happy Ending, which stars Veronica Vera, Lauren Wissot, Chelsea G. Summers, E.V. Fleurima (aka Ckiara Rose), and Michael Pollack – plus one of the stories below!
Sexerati Bed Death, by Sarah Sloane
And after sharing – nay, preaching – about the importance of personal boundaries when it comes to sex work of all kinds…imagine my shame and shock when I realized that I’d been screwing myself over for two. bloody. years. I let things that hurt push me back into the cavern of my sexual isolation – the loss of relationships and lovers, the stress of travel, the fear of being vulnerable, the ease with which I avoided possible entanglements involving lube or toys. And what I ended up with was feeling distanced not only from my lovers and from people who I really do like and really do want to play with…but also, feeling distanced from myself.
Advice for the New Kids on the Street, from the Girls who’ve been around the Block!, from the Three Naked Ladies series
Georgina Spelvin: Insist on condoms and save your money. Oh, and this is for everybody, not just sex workers, moisturize! All over. Every day.
Read advice from 16 other well seasoned ladies here.
The Rules, by Widow Centauri, who wrote this piece especially for the Red Umbrella Diaries blog carnival!
The first time I went to do an outcall I drove my 40-foot school bus deep into the suburbs of Denver Colorado. I took my bag of toys and my husband to the door. I told the client that my husband needed to sit in the other room, surprisingly he agreed and put my six-foot tall red bearded husband in the study. I did my sexy little thing. I tied his wrists together with scarves. It was cute. I was nervous. I was also $75 richer.
Now I won’t do an outcall for less than $500. Oh how time does change perspective. I would rather stay home and write than drive all the way into the suburbs for a guy who claims to have less than a hundred bucks for me. No way!
I have rules. I am allowed to flirt with a trick, I am allowed to have sex with a trick, I am allowed to pretend that I like him, I am even allowed to like him but when push comes to shove this is my job. I don’t give away my services for free. Sure every now and again I slip, I stay a little longer, spend a night on the town with someone who should be paying me, I’m human, I fuck it up sometimes.
I am a dominatrix so maybe it is a little easier to say that I am experienced. It implies expertise in my field, not hardened hooker. I know what I am doing because I have experience, I’m not a little girl, I’m a professional. I know how to make an evening sexy, I know how to use my toys, I know how to make a grown man cry.
I also know when a client is bullshitting me. After years of working in the sex trade I have come to hear it in their voices, the way they are certain that they have no limits, or the way they hum and haw. I can even see it in their emails, they give themselves away when they claim to have experience but won’t say with whom, or when they have a laundry list of activities they want to do in an hour. I see this and think “really? You want me to take you shopping, bend you over, have my way with you, pimp you out, smoke some cigarettes, use you as an ashtray and a toilet, call you names, dress you like a baby and play with another domme – all in an hour? Sure Mr. speed session. Pick two.” I can tell when I am having my chain jerked and I’m short tempered about it. I cut people off when they say that their wife wants me to come over. “Is your wife there now?” I ask. “Have her call me,” I say and hang up. He doesn’t have a wife to call me, he just thinks that I’ll give him more attention if I think there is a couple involved. Maybe the neophyte dommes will, but not me. I want to talk to the woman in the relationship, not the so-called submissive husband. Why is he calling me? I have become jaded working in this business. I’m alright with this. I kind of like it. .
I’m not ashamed of who I am. I like my job. I take money for sexual favors, I like to pee on boys, I like to be paid to pee on boys. I need lovers in my personal life but the people I choose to love are not the people I choose to do business with. I can fall for anyone who has gender ambiguities. I love transgender people and butch dykes. I’m straight for pay. I won’t date a client, even if that client looks dam good in a dress.
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